Perfect Mom Syndrome

I like to look like I have it all together. In my dreams as a young adult before I was married I had a specific idea of what my life would look like. Yes, it included the white picket fence and the well-behaved kids, that always looked cute.  I envisioned girls in sundresses with bows in their hair, boys with sandals, hair combed and sly little grins. And me? I was going to be fit, fashionable and a creative mom. Well, 3 kids later, I am far from fit and the things that I think are "fashionable" are things that are comfortable. Workout clothes. And not because I'm working out. Forever 21 doesn't seem to carry my size and I'm finally starting to except that I look better in what I once considered "old lady shorts." I realize now that my kids like to dress themselves, my daughter doesn't want bows in her hair; she wants baseball caps. My son would like to wear the same clothes every day, couldn't care less if they match and has to be reminded constantly to wear underwear. As for the creative mom thing? Well, sometimes I buy them new crayons and throw scraps of paper at them.
All of this is to say that when we arrived in Tahoe for our week of vacation I was working hard to have my act together but our first day at the beach almost sent me into a tailspin. I had already given myself a pep talk about bringing a newborn to the beach. I had told myself I was going to be ok breastfeeding in a baithing suit, the baby would be happy to hang out under the umbrella and he would survive if he got sand in his ears, eyes and mouth. Well, we got to the beach and quickly realized that we had forgotten the umbrella, beach chairs and sand toys. I was down by the water holding our spot while the Clarks, Matt and Susan carried stuff over from the car. The sand was scalding, the kids were begging for rafts, goggles, and buckets. The baby was crying because he wanted to eat, and I was standing there a little stunned. I finally got Beck out of his car seat and covered him with a blanket just as the lady next to us came over and asked if I wanted to borrow one of their towels to make shade for the baby. I must have looked really desperate trying to deal with 5 kids. Most of the stuff made it down to the beach and I took a chair onto the walkway in the shade to feed Beck. I was feeling pretty fragile at that point, wondering how I was going to get through the day when I started to look around the beach. I swear that every Mom there had it all together! Kids in matching bathing suits, bags of perfectly folded towels, UMBRELLAS, adorable sand toys and not to mention perfect bathing suits and cover ups that made them look as though they had never bore a child. The tears started flowing. Now, mind you I knew that I was having a postpartum moment.  Jenn and Susan were already on their way to buy an umbrella across the street, the kids had their rafts and goggles and were thrilled, the guys were digging into the pre-made lunch and everyone was happy. But I just couldn't help but wallowing in the not-a-good-enough mom moment. My 'moment' lasted about 10 minutes. I'm happy to say that with tears shed, baby fed and umbrella purchased we had a great day at the beach. Later as I was looking around at all the perfect moms and families I saw a much different picture. Everyone was having struggles at one point or another, kids were running down the beach with parents chasing after them, throwing fits and sand all at once, and some of those "perfect moms" well, they were looking pretty frazzled. The more I thought about it, the more I laughed at myself for thinking that anyone ever has it all together. There is no such thing as a perfect mom, and if there was, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to be one. How boring would that be?