The moments

I love my kids, they are so fun and most days I mourn the fact Tully and Tessa are in school most of the day. I miss them when they are gone and I feel like I don't get enough time with them. There are some weeks though that even when I'm missing them during the day I absolutely can't wait for them to go to bed at night. My fierce longing for them during the day is suddenly replaced by the overwhelming need for them to be quiet, to stop fighting and for the love, to please stop touching me.  On those days where I feel like that, the second they fall asleep, their hair matted to their heads, lightly snoring, looking years younger my heart breaks into a million pieces and my love for them threatens to choke me, it is so all consuming. I want to freeze time and live each moment over again. I wonder how I can do better tomorrow?
My kids are old enough that I know these feelings change weekly. As much as I can't wait for bedtime freedom some days, other days I can't get enough of them. They are constantly changing and reminding me that these years are fleeting. I miss the days of more than one toddler running through the house. My favorite times are late sunny afternoons when all 3 kids are playing in the backyard. These times fill me with excitement for the future and a longing for days that I can't get back.
I have a goal. One I will fail many times, one I will sucseed in many times. Appreciate the moments.